Joy Project

Why do I find it so hard to be joyful most days...you know throughout the day to day.  I am sure, am sure, am sure God has me as John's wife, my children's mother, a mama-teacher, a christian friend, a nurse, a sister, a daughter for his purpose and for the purpose of glorifying him but do I smile about it every hour...every day even?  Do I thank God for his plan even though I don't understand?  Do I give God my worries, my distress, my irritations?  Do I thank him for having food to feed my kids or do I whine that I have to feed them for the 4th time today?  Do I find joy and laughter and thanks in the little things like having to wash Molly's hands for the 100th time today?  No, I don't....I wonder somedays if all my kids have seen is a frown....

Do I sound depressed yet? I think some of it is that my oldest is at that critical point...I see my bad choices, my tone, my behavior, my worries, my sin, my critical spirit looking back at me...No, I don't think I've damaged her BUT I do think that these days are numbered...the days of being able to put in her what I know God wants me to and see the blessing and not the burden...and I mess up SO much!  How LONG do I have to figure out how to live a life full of joy.....So my kids can have memories of a mom that smiles, listens long, laughs, enjoys the days?  It is hard and I guess as the saying goes, anything worth doing is hard work.....and so I continue.  As I was talking to a friend last Monday (we talk deep and long about life each monday) about so many Christian teens leaving their faith, even ones that were homeschooled and "perfect from the outside looking in" kinds of kids, we discussed that we are doing it "right" in all the tangible ways we can think of....John and I have a good marriage, we show affection towards one another, we pray as a family, we attend church, we "shelter" our children, we read the Bible, we have our own quiet times, we sing, we go to Sunday School, we serve, we volunteer, we teach Bible Studies....but here's the kicker...do we love abundantly, especially to those right in this house....do we have JOY and LOVE on a daily basis.  I will be honest...lately I've been a real grump...so again, HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO LIVE A LIFE FULL OF JOY?  How long do I have to learn how to give grace to my husband and children because He gives me SO much grace?  I told John the other day, "I just want to do it all right" and my dear husband said, "it isn't suppose to be easy...it's not going to be, you can count on that!"  And it reminded me of this song that the kids and I sing around here a lot lately....."All I know is that I'm not home yet, this is not where I belong, take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong!"  We are not promised easy or perfect...it will be difficult and the JOY is knowing that this is not my home!  So while I'm here on this earth, living in an imperfect world, with imperfect people, an imperfect husband, imperfect children, and living with my guilt and sorriness of an imperect self....the only thing to do is look UP and ask daily for God to give me GRACE, LOVE, JOY, HUMBLENESS to deal with the issues that suck joy out of my life on a daily basis.  I desire with all my heart for my kids to see their mom smile, for lessons to be learned with Grace and Humility, I want my home to be a place of peace and love and comfort.  I want us to live together in this home with JOY that can only come from the LORD! 

My friend and I are reading a book called The Happiness Project.  It has prompted me to take on my own sort of project...called the JOY PROJECT.  I'm not sure exactly what is going to look like but I know that I want to concentrate on the things within and not the "perfect on the outside" things...I will go to God daily to ask for His help.  I will confess my sin hourly if I have to and go to my husband and children to ask for forgiveness.  I will make a list of the silly things and big things that suck joy out of my day, I will pray over these things, ask God if it is something I can change or just put into his hands, I will make a gratitude list.  I will enter into HIS courts through the gates of thanksgiving (psalm 100:4) and pray that I find fullness of Joy (psalm 16:11).  I will be writing about different stages of my Joy Project because it is therapeutic and I've read so much on blogs, in books, in the Bible, etc that is feels good to put it all together on paper.  I will practice love, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, joy, peace, and self control.  On the top of my list is to EVERYDAY ask God for these things...second on my list is to give that nagging list of joy snatchers to God...put it in his lap if you will....and thirdly, not yell.  1 Kings 19:12 "And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire.  And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper."  I want to be the gentle whisper of this house....when there is disobedience, frustration, and tension...the quiet whisper....

So here's to a new day and the first day of April.....The JOY PROJECT!

100 days of habit forming

We got a grand idea from another blogging mom and homeschool family to take part in a 100 days of habit forming..I guess it's like character training.  Emily and I discussed what habits are...good ones...bad ones...why we want to break habits and form habits.  This list is a sort of positive improvement tool.  It's not something that Emily nor I will get punished over.  It isn't something to cause guilt over.  It is just a way to see yourself improving in certain area and then after 100 days you can be proud that something good was accomplished.  We prayed about it and both came up with three things that we wanted to be habits.  They have to be measurable things.  It can't be "Have better manners" because that isn't really measurable.  Three things were recommended by the other blogger because it is doable, measurable, and not overwhelming.  Emily's were cute...I didn't help her...she came up with these on her own...1.  Eat a fruit and vegetable a day  2.  Do a daily quiet time with God  3.  Brush teeth 2 times a day.  I'm not checking on her daily or even looking at her list but we periodically talk about it and encourage each other.  I thought of many...drink 6 glasses of water, read 15 minutes of a fun book everyday, quiet time even on the weekends (because I slack off these days), 30 minutes of rigorous activity a day, 1 load of laundry a day, speak kindly to my children and build them up each day, serve John 1 time each day other than daily tasks like doing his laundry or fixing his dinner, throw 5 things away each day whether it be a piece of paper or a toy or an old shirt, clean and scrub one different thing each day, etc.  I chose three of the above and will probably pick three more after 100 days.  It is just kind of a fun project with Emily....and she is a good accountability partner!

sigh of relief....truth be told...

I have posted before about a blog I found/recommended to me...The Pioneer Woman.  She simply seems amazing...church goer, homeschools 4 kids, her and her husband run a ranch, she blogs all day long about her delicious recipes, has a published cook book, is remodeling a house to be a lodge on their property, takes amazing photographs, seems to really be in love with her husband etc etc....it is actually kind of depressing...I mean how does she get it all done!  Well my good friend Phebe fell in love with her as well but Phebe didn't stop at her blog...she researched it...like she does most things and found out the truth!!!!!!  We laughed at work that the Pioneer Woman was probably some 50 year old man writing this blog that makes it all up....that is not the case but there is a story.....

Basically, Pioneer Woman and her hunky husband Marlboro Man are millionaires!!!!  The Drummond family is in the top 100 land owning families in the United States, they practically own the entire County in Oklahoma that they live in....they have thousands and thousands of mama cows and more baby cows.....they and Marlboro Man's brother are BIG BUSINESS!  The ranch was passed down three generations...their father apparently sold sum odd acres several years ago for 4 million dollars!!!!  They have top of the line equipment, ranch hands, and are WELL KNOWN!  Now Pioneer woman still says she doesn't have a housekeeper and I actually believe that she herself does homeschool her children but now I know that it isn't like she is some super woman with a budget to keep, bills to pay, and stuff breaking in the house while she is trying to homeschool, cook, and manage a ranch with her husband....I still love her though...she seems cool but I guess she has found something (the blog, cookbook, her stories) that have made her famous and are now also making her money.  Good for her and Good for me!  Her recipes are super yummy!

Photography

I really do love photography and one of my biggest wants right now is a new camera.  I am thankful for my little take along camera but I want a bigger and better one so bad.  I'm trying to be patient.  Trying to not want for anything.  Its hard though.  I love love love taking pictures of what we are up to, the kids, the outdoors, nature, food, etc.  I absolutely love the Pioneer Woman's photography (a blog  I read)...its beautiful, it is detailed, and so much fun.  I love the pictures she takes for her cookbook!  I've tried to break my little camera but it keeps on ticking!  I actually really want to give it to Emily so that she can use it for homeschooling stuff.  So now you know what I want, crave, desire....and what I have to be patient for!!!!

Veggie Co-op

I joined a veggie co-op this past month where you pay a lump sum and then once a week you get a delivery of fresh veggies from the organic farm.  You do not get to pick which veggies...its what they harvest that week.  They have all kinds...and luckily we like all veggies.  The farm is in Quincy and they were super nice, very customer friendly and in my opinion it is a good deal.  I paid $200 for 12 weeks of fresh organic vegetables.  My first pick-up was last week.  I got 5 huge squash, 1 zuchinni, 5 tomatoes, 2 heads of lettuce and 2 cucumbers.  So far we have loved it and I love knowing who grew my veggies.  The kids and I got a kick out of going to pick them up and being surprised at what we got.  Tomorrow is 2nd pick up.  YAY!

My happy Day! Mother's Day 2010

Because I work some and John has on days and off days, and because the kids have stuff all the time, it is a rarity sometimes that we have multiple days with nothing to do in a row.  I planned these days around Mother's Day this year and told John I wanted to relax and do nothing for our 5 days.  Now the kids had school and a birthday party but John and I did not have to work, we didn't have to be anywhere specific etc.  John helped me keep my plan and for that I am grateful.  It was a great 5 days and we played games as a family, started our chicken coop, went to church, cooked as a family, stayed up late, watched movies, etc etc.  On Mother's Day Eve we went over to my parents' house and ate with them.  My brother made yummy sangria for me at my request!  On Sunday, we went to church as a family and then came home and enjoyed the best BBQ ever!  My husband is getting so good at smoking things on his new smoker!  The ribs were delicious!  We took a Mother's Day nap and all was well.  I also received the greatest gift.....a homemade DVD personal tribute to me with songs, family video, family pictures, and interviews with the kids and John about why I am special to them....I cried and cried and cried.  It was a wonderful relaxing day!

The Green eyed monster!

I am writing this as a type of confession but a challenge to myself as well....this is a little embarrassing but in a good sort of way because it shows how much God can work in your life if you allow him.

Everyone sins and one of my perpetual sins in the past has been the following...covetousness, jealousy, and envy.  I really have struggled with this over the years....being jealous of what my neighbor has, envious of someone having something that I don't, jealous of friends and their relationships, etc.  Most likely John is the only one that may know how it was a weed that kept growing and it would really bother/infect me sometimes...I specifically remember praying about it many times..."Why God does this give me a bad feeling, Why can't I be truly happy about such and such happening to a friend, etc" Well over the years, God has worked on me and I am sooo much better!  It will always be a struggle but he gave me 1 Corinthians 13:4, James 3:14, and Galatians 5....through the Grace of God, I can be happy for a friend, not worry when I am not included, not take things so personally, and I do not envy and covet what my neighbor has.  Amen!

Recently, I have been shown through my wonderful daughter that I need to love like a child...We have lost/unchurched neighbors on either side of us and, shame on me, but the only thing we have ever done is take them cookies....We did this big Summer of Service within our family last summer where we picked a service project every week and did it together as a family...and it was great and it helped us all to step out of our box and take the initiative to do some things that we wouldn't ordinarily do but it was still all very convenient...I have been shown by Emily that God doesn't want us to do things for others to get approval from anyone, to get a pat on the back from others, out of convenience or self righteousness....Our neighbor girl, Shayna, loves my kids and honestly sometimes I have a really hard time when she walks over because its one more kid to watch out for, one more kid asking questions, I have to be close by to make sure things are appropriate and protect my own kids and on and on.....She lives with an older brother and a single mom.  They are different (northerners..ha ha ha)...honestly I wouldn't want to be friends with them on a normal basis..but my Emily has been "playing" church with Shayna now for about a week or so...they are quoting scripture, singing songs, and Emily pretty much has asked Shayna (who is 10 years old) if she believes in God...

My 8 year old is witnessing and sharing and showing God's love and I'm just annoyed that I have to take care of one extra, not so lovable kid....I'm being very honest here!  You know, it's easy to do "service projects" when we are serving those that are like us or likable or when we can still hold the people at arms length...

A girl in our S.S. class, while reading our book Crazy Love, was sharing how her mom was one of those moms that always had the back door open...eveyone was welcome...she took everyone to church... fed everyone etc...And I realized that John and I sometimes talk a big talk but then when Shayna (who is not shy at all) asked if she could come to church with us on Wednesday night....honestly my first thoughts were..."well I will have to feed her, its always rushed on Wed nights, then I'll have to go work everything out with her mom, and she  is kind of annoying sometimes"....oh my goodness...then I realized that here my daughter loved her neighbor, told her about God and then the neighbor asked to actually come to church with us and I had to actually think twice about it and then even had ugly thoughts on top of that...ugh...I'm so ashamed of myself...I have certainly had to ask forgiveness.  So, my newest plea with God is this....show me where you want me to serve...even if its not convenient, and change my heart to be more like you!   And Shayna will be going to church with us on Sunday if I have anything to do with it!

A cute little story to finish my blog catch up!

Emily came home and said that her teacher asked the students to write an essay about their favorite cartoon.  Emily said she raised her hand and said to Mrs. Smith that she didn't watch cartoons at her house.  So Mrs. Smith said, well do you watch movies, you could write about your favorite movie...to this Emily replied, "my favorite movies are Mary Poppins and Sound of Music."  YES!!!!  That was a proud mommy moment!  Yay for not watching crappy cartoons!  So after reading my latest blogs you probably think we have gone plum crazy....to this I say...I just painted my fingernails a very deep blue color and I think they look fab, I watch Dancing with the Stars via atenna religiously, I am going boutique shopping with a friend tomorrow, we still eat chick-fil-a, I bought milk from the Circle K yesterday after a long day of work and running errands, we listen to country music in the car and I listen to booty music on my ipod when I run, I'm addicted to diet coke, and I still use zip-loc bags to pack the kids sandwiches in...NOW do I sound like a regular ole American!?!?!

Mommy and her Boy

I love spending time with J.D. without anyone else (his sisters) around.  He is a joy and so much fun!  We went bowling together at the Mother/Son bowling event that the church put on.  We played two games with other families.  I won the first game and J.D. won the second game!  We ate junk food and talked and cheered each other on!  He was soooo excited to go and it helped with my "make everything fair for all the kids" cause! :)