I read a book called Radical by David Platt and I haven't been quite the same sense. I kick myself that reading the Word of God on a semi daily basis throughout my 21 years of a semi serious following of the Son of God has not made me this restless at some point....it has during periods I guess and as we "Christians" like to say...we have our lows and we have our highs...It seems a little silly now looking back that I have been so nonchalant at times and have soooo not hit the mark soooo many times but God doesn't want a gloomy me so let's move on. I haven't quite been able to even write on here because I have so much going on inside me...I feel restless, conflicted, and strange even writing about our days, our vacations, our doings in light of my mood..
It all started with a couple little decisions like turning the cable off (I know that is strange but it was all leading up to this point) and getting my priorities straight. I decided to say no to some things, good things, but things that I didn't feel needed my attention, then we made this huge decision to homeschool...and as I look back..this was a red flag for us...I have no idea why..somehow deciding to homeschool Emily pushed us into a whole other world of making spiritual and educational decisions with God as our priority and our family as our second priority...It changed the way we think, the things we do, the decisions we make...I feel so TOTALLY responsible for my child and it is SUCH a good feeling. I am involved in every aspect of her life, maturity, spiritual growth, and education. It is a great responsibility and I am so unworthy.
Then I really got serious about my relationship with God mostly in my time I spend with him daily and praying specifically for things. I have a page for each person in my family in a prayer journal that I go through daily...see, I really don't think that I had very much faith in prayer before....I'm praying for my big faith now.
Then my hubby decided that he wanted us, as a family, to read through the Bible together. There is something amazing that happens when a man leads his family spiritually...John had been unhappy with devotions and other such things and asked a friend (who is a pastor and one of our best friend's Dad) what he did to instill scripture in the minds and hearts of his children when they were younger...Our friend said, "Just read the Bible to them." We started reading in Genesis and it has been wonderful. I can't say we are 100% yet but the majority of the days, we are sitting around the breakfast table reading one or two chapters together every morning.
Our S.S. class (small group) has been in a growth type period..I can tell our teacher wants to get beyond the surface type Christianity and dig deeper in the word and follow Christ with more purpose. Then our pastor mentioned revival and mentioned reading a book called Radical. Several other friends that attend other churches were also reading the book Radical and I bought it. I read the book in 1 week (which is unheard of for me)...Pastor Mark started preaching on things like Forgiveness and Fishing deeper and our Purpose...it all lined up perfectly with everything else that seemed to be stirring in my life at the time....and then John and I started talking more deeply about the purpose of life, why we do the things we do, what it means to truly follow Christ, how we spend our time and money...
In about 1 year, I have felt huge growth, restlessness, and confusion.....I really don't even know how to put it all on paper. I have questions going on in my brain like.. How can we sacrifice more? What does following Christ look like for our family? Where will this take us? What is really important? How can I help those that don't know Christ? What is my purpose? Reading the book Radical put so many things into perspective for me. He made me feel so uncomfortable at times. He challenged me. I have gone back and looked at scripture and studied it and have asked God to help us discern our charge as believers. I mean have you ever sat back and thought about your purpose...can it really be to live, work, marry, have kids, work, buy things, get ahead, work, buy more stuff, watch tv, go on vacation, go on dates, work, take your kids to ballet, and sleep OR have WE totally missed the mark? I mean look at the American Christian Church today...it really isn't doing all that well...teens are leaving their faith at a higher percentage than ever, churches are in debt, churches are splitting due to disagreements about music and dress codes, marriages are failing with a enormous divorce rate, and so on.....this can't be what the
Church is suppose to be. I feel an urgency that I haven't felt before and I'm praying on it...and praying on it....and praying on it....that's where we are right now..Thank God John is restless as well and I'm praying and hoping that this isn't one of those "high" kind of stories...
I'm kind of sorry to have to drag you into my conflicted mood but I really couldn't go on without explaining it just little...thanks for reading :)
