Thoughts

I love life....I love how one minute I have it all figured out and the next I am a witch and unhappy with all my circumstances....I love God more and how EVERY DAY HE teaches me something....I know I've been posting a lot about just what we have been doing but I actually have a bunch swirling around in my brain about the details of life, why we love what we are doing, why we get frustrated, all the cool things we are learning, etc.  This is going to be a very random post...probably would look a lot like my thought process if you could get inside my brain and type it all out......

I absolutely LOVE homeschooling....but it isn't a moment by moment happiness.  I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt this is what we are suppose to be doing.  A recent author that I'm reading said something about parenting....she said it is a "fog happiness"....you aren't necessarily happy every moment but it is a glaze or a fog of happiness.  You wouldn't do it differently, or change a thing....but it doesn't always necessarily look happy in the very moment...it's more like a haze of happiness when you think about it.  This is true of homeschooling.  Hearing other mothers complain about hours of homework, the mundane science projects that they cannot wait to get through with, FCAT testing, hours in their kid's classes cutting out shamrocks, school field trips with 30 kids that are not their own, making lunches every day of the week at 6:15 in the morning, having their kids at school 8 hours a day, ordering cakes for Beta Club Inductions, etc....I Wouldn't trade it for a thing......there are frustrations but it is our own darn mess and it is our own decision to change it and make it better....none of my plans that I started 2 years ago are the same and I feel like sometimes there is always some better way to do what I'm doing but we are doing it for OUR OWN children in our own home and it is "fog happiness!" .....all the way! 

Things I love:

I absolutely love that Emily got interested in sink holes when we went camping at Falling Waters State Park and that she decided on her own that she wanted to do a science project on Sink Holes...I love that her Daddy decided to take the kids down to the Leon Sinks and do hands on research while I was at work.  It took them on a 3 mile hike...Emily took a TON of pictures on her own camera that she will use with her project.

I love that J.D. got so excited at our co-op when the Organic Chemists from FSU came to explode things, mix chemicals, and do experiments that he now wants to do his science experiment on Acids and Bases.....and we found a really cool science kit to use at Barnes and Nobles.

I love that when Emily was listening to a verbal presentation by a peer in our Co-op on General Lee's (Civil War) contribution to America that she leaned over to me in excitement and said, "Mommy, we went to General Lee's home place in Arlington Cemetery in Virginia." 

I love that when John Daniel's Tutor in Co-op started talking about the battle of Little Big Horn and the Indian Crazy Horse that J.D. raised his hand and told them some info on Crazy Horse because we have been reading a biography at home for our book club about Crazy Horse!

I love that they both have memorized John 1:1-7 in English and are now in the process of learning it in Latin and that sometimes I catch them singing John 1:1-7 in Latin around the house. 

I love the connections that they make and that I get to be a part of it.  I love that when we were doing our Quiet Time the other day...the kids and I read through Proverbs for QT that when it said in Proverbs 3:3 "Do not let Kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart" J.D. got all excited and said....that is just like the verse in Deuteronomy!  He was speaking of his Daddy's favorite passage, Duet 6: 8-9 "You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

I love that we can sit in the yard and do our work, I love that Molly prays for Baby David (our friend's baby) EVERY SINGLE DAY!  I love that we can drop everything and go take books to some kids that are as fortunate as us.  I love that we can go watch Red Hills Horse Trials if we want.  I love that my kids have NO idea who some of the latest movie stars are....I love that they watched Grapes of Wrath and know what the dust bowl is.  I love that we all had a family meeting tonight and talked out some issues....and everyone went around and discussed what our own PIP would be for the week (Personal Improvement Plan)....I love that when I get home from my Work Bible Study, my kids rush to the door to ask if it went well and what the women said about what I taught.  I love that we can take my 90 year old grandfather to breakfast for his birthday. 

There are certainly things I don't like.....the constant reflection of who I am as a mother...my sins and failures are laid out in front of me as clear as day in my children or in how our day goes.....the mess I feel like my house is always in, not having much "me" time, constant sound, my brain on full throttle all day long.....BUT I then think about my end result....it's not a perfect house, a perfect me, ME time, painted toes and a new haircut, etc....it's to raise children who are fully devoted followers of Christ....for the spiral to move upwards...for them to be on "fire" for God, to give them a "HIGHER" education that concerns itself with kingdom results...LOVE and Sacrifice.  It is a struggle and I miss the mark so many times that I'm tired of myself....and wonder at times that it would be so much easier to just give in and do it the World's Way....But my very wise husband said, "There is Joy in this Journey....God's way brings JOY that you won't ever experience in doing it any other way."  Aren't doing things the right way almost always harder....and he is right, so much sweeter although on a daily basis, I don't always acknowledge it.  Recently, I had that "me" time that I spoke of earlier....I went to dinner with 6 other women my age and peer group.  We were without kids and husbands at a nice restaurant.  After listening to them for 30 minutes, I could hardly bite my tongue any longer....I ate my meal so fast so that I would not speak.  I finally had to text my husband under the table just to vent.  I could hardly sit there listening to them speak of dropping their babies off at daycare at 6:30 am, bigger houses, kid's ball and how it is making their life crazy, FCAT, needing childcare for summer for their kids, marriage problems, new clothes, etc......I immediately asked God to humble me...because I was struggling with wanting to tell them how crazy it all sounded...and I have had to ask God for discernment and humility again and again this week....but here is what I have learned from it so far, #1...girl time ain't all that!  #2...be thankful for my circumstances, the ability to choose, and the vision God has given John and I thus far in our walk.  Another wise comment from my husband during our under the table texting conversation as I sat at the table with the other women....."Just be thankful for where God has us!" 

So that's all for right now~I've been a real witch the past couple of weeks...kind of moody and just "off" but lessons are always learned and His mercies are new every morning....