I am writing this as a type of confession but a challenge to myself as well....this is a little embarrassing but in a good sort of way because it shows how much God can work in your life if you allow him.
Everyone sins and one of my perpetual sins in the past has been the following...covetousness, jealousy, and envy. I really have struggled with this over the years....being jealous of what my neighbor has, envious of someone having something that I don't, jealous of friends and their relationships, etc. Most likely John is the only one that may know how it was a weed that kept growing and it would really bother/infect me sometimes...I specifically remember praying about it many times..."Why God does this give me a bad feeling, Why can't I be truly happy about such and such happening to a friend, etc" Well over the years, God has worked on me and I am sooo much better! It will always be a struggle but he gave me 1 Corinthians 13:4, James 3:14, and Galatians 5....through the Grace of God, I can be happy for a friend, not worry when I am not included, not take things so personally, and I do not envy and covet what my neighbor has. Amen!
Recently, I have been shown through my wonderful daughter that I need to love like a child...We have lost/unchurched neighbors on either side of us and, shame on me, but the only thing we have ever done is take them cookies....We did this big Summer of Service within our family last summer where we picked a service project every week and did it together as a family...and it was great and it helped us all to step out of our box and take the initiative to do some things that we wouldn't ordinarily do but it was still all very convenient...I have been shown by Emily that God doesn't want us to do things for others to get approval from anyone, to get a pat on the back from others, out of convenience or self righteousness....Our neighbor girl, Shayna, loves my kids and honestly sometimes I have a really hard time when she walks over because its one more kid to watch out for, one more kid asking questions, I have to be close by to make sure things are appropriate and protect my own kids and on and on.....She lives with an older brother and a single mom. They are different (northerners..ha ha ha)...honestly I wouldn't want to be friends with them on a normal basis..but my Emily has been "playing" church with Shayna now for about a week or so...they are quoting scripture, singing songs, and Emily pretty much has asked Shayna (who is 10 years old) if she believes in God...
My 8 year old is witnessing and sharing and showing God's love and I'm just annoyed that I have to take care of one extra, not so lovable kid....I'm being very honest here! You know, it's easy to do "service projects" when we are serving those that are like us or likable or when we can still hold the people at arms length...
A girl in our S.S. class, while reading our book Crazy Love, was sharing how her mom was one of those moms that always had the back door open...eveyone was welcome...she took everyone to church... fed everyone etc...And I realized that John and I sometimes talk a big talk but then when Shayna (who is not shy at all) asked if she could come to church with us on Wednesday night....honestly my first thoughts were..."well I will have to feed her, its always rushed on Wed nights, then I'll have to go work everything out with her mom, and she is kind of annoying sometimes"....oh my goodness...then I realized that here my daughter loved her neighbor, told her about God and then the neighbor asked to actually come to church with us and I had to actually think twice about it and then even had ugly thoughts on top of that...ugh...I'm so ashamed of myself...I have certainly had to ask forgiveness. So, my newest plea with God is this....show me where you want me to serve...even if its not convenient, and change my heart to be more like you! And Shayna will be going to church with us on Sunday if I have anything to do with it!
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