John and I rarely fight about the big things...money, sex, politics....we mostly fight over communication issues...one of us has not communicated with the other in a positive or beneficial way. I have been researching for over a year now...MARRIAGE...ways to influence my marriage in a positive way. I talk with John about these things as well, so he is a willing party and by most of the things that I have posted about him, you can tell he is a very good husband, he takes care of me, he serves me, he loves me....But these are things that I can and strive to do myself to benefit my marriage after a year of research on the subject.
1. I strive to never talk negatively about John to anyone.
2. I strive to only build him up in public and at home. (Home is slightly harder for me)
3. I strive to stop nagging. This is huge for a man or at least my man. I have found that even if I am nagging him about something that is important or even emergent, it does not benefit our marriage. I could nag him about taking out the trash, but really it is not worth it. I need to either do it myself (which would be the greatest way of being his help meet) or just shut my mouth. If we miss trash day because he forgot, then he has to deal with that by himself and I am not adding to the problem by nagging. We may have overflowing garbage, rodents, or smells....but we have a peaceful marriage b/c I did not nag. I know it is a strange concept but it truly works....the above has occured in our home! And I am at the point now where I joyfully pull the trash out to the road myself if he forgets because it helps the man that works so hard to provide for my family and it is another way for me to use my muscles a little :)
4. I strive not to tell him how to do things, his way is not wrong, it is just different than my way.
5. I ask his permission/advice except when dealing with an issue or concern that has to be dealt with immediately. In my humble opinion a husbands greatest desire is to be respected.
6. I strive to let him lead me and strive to obey him....oh the OBEY word...but gosh it takes some pressure off of me! I seriously have no problem with the fact that I need to obey my husband. I feel like where ever he leads us, he has to answer to God and the only question that I am going to be asked in the end is did I follow...I don't have to answer to God for leading my family, that is John's job, and boy am I glad that I can just be the willing participant!
7. I strive to find ways to serve him...John is actually much better at this than me but in being his helper in life, I want to find ways to make his life easier....ie, ironing his shirt for work. It really is the little things. And this means a lot to John!
8. I strive to be a happy, joyful, and positive person...a person/woman is much more desirable and nicer to be around when she has a good attitude! A mother and wife's attitude can change the entire atmosphere of the home! (this is a hard one)
I am sure there are others but that is all I can think of right now. The above is hard but it makes marriage work (at least in my short 10 years of experience). The home is more peaceful, the marriage bed is loving, the kids are happy, the husband feels respected, the wife feels love, and all fits together...I seriously believe that I am to be his helpmeet, I was created to be his helper, lover, friend, and companion...not his equal. It feels right to me, it makes sense, it takes the burden off of me, and it makes me happy...it truly does! I also believe it is biblical.....which is what makes it so important....just my humble opinion...
John and I got a very nice compliment the other day...
A girl that I work with, whom we have also spent a little time outside of work with, made a very nice comment about us and our marriage. I am not posting this to brag, but posting this to say...the ABOVE is why...it really works and shows through. We have had many struggles, we are sinners, we have dealt with sin, we fail everyday but God, our faith, Grace, and a desire to make it work...is what makes us better. My friend, who is not a Christian (does not have any religious background at all) said something to the effect..."You seem to really be a beautiful person on the inside as well as the outside, and John seems to be the same way, your family and marriage seem to radiate this and your life seems truly beautiful, not just picture perfect, but really happy." This girl is my little "project" for lack of a better word. She is struggling and I cannot wait to tell her why we are happy and also share with her about our struggles. I am having lunch with her soon so that I can share. I can't wait to tell her, after 6 years of working with her and building a friendship with her, that it is only by God's grace that we are even still married! I have prayed for an opportunity to share my faith with her...and I have had moments where I have shared tidbits but I feel like God is prompting me to share more now and I am so excited for the opportunity!
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